Why Do We Rationalize Suffering?

Why do we do it? Why do we rationalize suffering like it’s some kind of noble cause we must endure? It’s like we’ve been trained to wear our pain as a badge of honor, convincing ourselves that if we just "understand it" or "make sense of it," we’ll somehow make it less… well, painful.

We tell ourselves things like, "It’s not that bad," or "It’s a lesson I’m meant to learn," as if suffering has some grand purpose we just need to unlock. But here's the truth: suffering doesn't need an explanation to be valid. You don’t have to justify it with some higher meaning to make it feel real or important. Pain is pain—no amount of logic is going to make it go away.

And yet, we do it. We rationalize because it’s easier than just sitting with the discomfort. We think, "If I can find a reason for this, maybe it won’t hurt so much." We try to turn tears into wisdom, believing the harder the experience, the greater the reward. But sometimes, pain is just... pain. It doesn't need to be transformed; it just needs to be acknowledged.

Here’s the thing: you don’t have to explain your suffering away. It’s okay to just feel it. It’s okay to not have all the answers. We all go through it. You don’t have to be a philosopher, a martyr, or some perfectly enlightened soul. Sometimes, simply sitting with your hurt is the bravest thing you can do.

And if you’re the friend or loved one of someone who’s suffering, sometimes the best thing you can do is let them feel it. Don’t rush them into a solution, or worse, try to rationalize their pain. Instead, say, "F it, let it hurt. Cry it out. Scream it out. Smash it out. Laugh it out. Draw it out. Heck, dance it out. Whatever coping mechanism works for them, just be there for it." Be the soundboard that tells them, “It’s okay to let it hurt.” And when the time comes, you’ll be the same soundboard that gently tells them, “It’s over now... let’s keep pushing forward.”

As Buddha says, "Embrace the impermanence." Nothing is permanent—not even suffering. So let them feel it, let them process it, and when the storm passes, be the one who helps them stand up, dust off, and move forward.

After all, we’re all just figuring it out as we go.